When Two People on Your Team Can’t Stand Each Other

When two people on your team are struggling with each other, it doesn’t stay between them. You feel it everywhere.

• Meetings get tense.
• Communication gets shorter.
• Other people start adjusting how they show up without even realizing it.

And suddenly, you’re not just managing work. You’re managing friction.

Most managers hate this part. It feels heavy, personal, and messy. If you step in there’s potential to make things worse. So a lot of managers do one of two things: they avoid it, or they try to “solve” it too quickly.

Usually, both options run into challenges. It’s important to remember: you’re not there to fix the relationship. You are there to make the team workable again.

Start with individual conversations

Not to figure out who’s right — that isn’t the role you want to play. You want to understand what’s actually going on underneath.

Ask things like:

• “What’s it like working with them right now?”
• “What’s frustrating you the most?”
• “What do you wish was different?”
• “What do you think they would say if I asked them the same thing?”

You’re not collecting evidence. You’re listening for patterns. Most of the time, it’s not about the work. It’s about feeling:

• dismissed
• stepped over
• not respected
• not heard

Acknowledge it without turning it into a spectacle

Your team already feels it. You don’t need to pretend everything is fine. You also don’t need to share details (and shouldn’t).

Something as simple as:

“I’m noticing some tension that’s impacting how we’re working together. I’m addressing it.”

That’s enough. You’re not exposing anyone or taking sides. You’re showing your team that you’re paying attention.

Bring them together with structure

Not for an open vent session — that almost always makes things worse.

Give the conversation guardrails:

• What does working well together actually look like?
• What will we do — and not do — in meetings?
• How do we flag issues earlier, before they build?
• What do we owe to each other professionally, regardless of how we feel?

Keep it focused and grounded in behavior and team impacts, not personality.

And this part matters: make sure you’re working within your company’s expectations.

If the situation has escalated, involves repeated conflict, or starts to cross into performance or conduct concerns, it’s worth pulling in HR early — or at least giving them a heads up and following their guidance. Not to hand it off or avoid it, but to make sure you’re:

• aligned with policy
• not putting yourself in a situation you shouldn’t
• handling things consistently
• and not carrying something alone that you don’t have to

Hold the line after the conversation

This is where most managers drop off. One conversation doesn’t fix it. You need to reinforce what was agreed to:

• call things out when they slip (in a 1:1)
• recognize when it’s working
• don’t let it quietly drift back

Consistency is what rebuilds trust.

And remember this: you’re not their therapist. You’re their manager. Your job isn’t to make them like each other. It’s to make sure they can work together effectively, professionally, and without pulling the rest of the team down with them.

Conflict like this doesn’t mean your team is broken. It usually means something hasn’t been said clearly… or hasn’t been addressed early enough.

If you step in with clarity, structure, and consistency, you don’t just resolve the issue. You show your entire team what it looks like to handle tension well, protect your team culture, and hold people accountable.